In my last year of primary school, all of year 6 worked together to create a time capsule. This was nothing new, I’m sure. To be sure, that school field is now nearly impossible to navigate stepping on precious artifacts from a bygone era. But, the point is that we were trying to put together a package that would one day be seen by future children (probably with floating boots, floating cars, floating food, and floating dogs), so they could appreciate the wonderful world we live in.
My memory is a bit fuzzy on the exact details of the items included, but there was definitely a Troll with bright orange hair. There was a piece of sponge soccer ball (handy!), a piece of braided string, a packet of Space Raiders potato chips with pickled onions (expiration date long before the capsule was uncapped), and one of those bicycle reflectors you you have in Frosties cereal packets. All absolutely perfect examples of early ’90s childhood, I think you’ll agree.
Unfortunately, there was not room for all Year 6 students to donate an item, but as I was by far the most popular and intelligent child in the school at the time, I was given the opportunity to submit an item.
I was well into football at that stage, but since someone else had already put in the frankly absurd and idiotic “some used football”, I had to think outside the box. I had the idea. Childhood was essentially pretty simple back then. Play outside, roll up newspapers to hit people and collect soccer cards.
The thing was, though, I didn’t feel like giving up any of my prized trading collectibles. However, I had a strong dislike for Manchester United, encouraged by my classmates who were the worst glory-followers of all time.
So, I said goodbye to my 1993 Merlin’s Premier League decal #56 Lee Sharpe. I hope one day a child will see your face and find out how you put on a barbecue for your fans, hosted in your own home.
So with that wholesome story of a world worth preserving, welcome to the VG247 Top Games Podcast, Episode 14: The best game you’d launch into space to prove that Earth isn’t worth saving. That segue was so severe that I’m sorry if it caused you whiplash.
Let us know what you think of the show, and if this is your first time listening to it, check back for previous episodes. If you have suggestions on topics, we’d love to hear them. If we don’t come up with new ideas soon, we’ll have to create some sort of random theme generator; Actually, it’s not a bad idea.
“What is VG247’s Best Games Ever Podcast?” you ask as you wonder which football card you’d be willing to bury in a time capsule. Or the LOL Surprise sticker, whichever sticker you choose to collect. Anyway, this podcast, which is why you’re on this page (not to run over impossible options in your mind), is essentially a 30-minute panel where people (me and a few others at VG247) they decide on the best game in a specific category. That is all. It’s good. listen to it
We’ve got some details on the show’s content below (if you want to get a refresher before heading into the comments to make a wonderful and thoughtful post or if you don’t want to listen but want to know which games we picked), so if you want to avoid spoilers, don’t overlook this fan-made creation of what Chris Bratt would look like if he were fired into space. (Support VG247’s friends, People Make Games, on Patreon.)
The best game you would launch into space to prove that the Earth is not worth saving
This is the topic of episode fourteen of VG247’s Best Games Ever podcast. Here’s a rundown of who chose what.
Tom – Most Roblox Games
Roblox is full of mindless games that are designed to encourage in-game spending to reach an arbitrary goal. Most have little gameplay other than repeated button presses, like Strongman Simulator. It’s tedious in the extreme and an example of why we don’t deserve video games.
Alex – Gal Gun
I’m not even embedding a video for this one. Just listen to us talk about it on the podcast and you’ll understand why. If you google it, maybe you won’t do it on a work computer.
Connor – Detroit: Become Human
Detroit: Become Human is a game that makes me very, very sad. I don’t understand how Quantic Dreams keeps getting away with it. Every time they release a game, you get a visually stunning product with a few nuggets of gold, washed down with the world’s most obnoxious writing and narrative direction. But they keep coming back! Somehow dragging down big names like Clancy Brown (voice of Mr. Krabs) for incredible performances in regular games.
It is the perfect example of untapped potential, of the many second chances given to people who, in my opinion, should not have them. If you shoot this into space and aliens get their hands on it, they would probably be very disappointed and walk off to exploding suns, a comet, or a million other interesting things.
Check back in a week for another episode of VG247’s Best Games Ever podcast.
If you want more podcasts, you could do worse than check out our friends at Rock Paper Shotgun who have the Electronic Wireless Show. Eurogamer has two shows (greedy!), Digital Foundry has DF Direct, Dicebreaker covers the world of board games, and the Outside Xbox lot has Oxventure – A Dungeons & Dragons Podcast.